Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Problem with Twilight

I like the Twilight books; I really do.  A coworker loaned me her copy of Twilight almost two years ago because I had forgotten a book to read during my lunch break.  I was skeptical, but I'll give any book a chance.

I didn't love it.  The actual writing isn't that great and the main character (Bella) was kind of annoying.  Annoying like I want to slap her and explain to her that a 17 year old in love is, well, laughable.  That's not to say that 17 year olds can't fall in love.  My mom got married at 17 and will be celebrating her 30th wedding anniversary in a few days.  But my God, is Bella an example of how not to be at that age.  Anyways, despite my better judgement, I bought New Moon.  I love New Moon.  It's one of my favorite books.  So, I anxiously order Eclipse and Breaking Dawn -- which both suck. 

But the series is entertaining if you can suspend your disbelief long enough to get into the story. 

In fact, this post isn't a tirade against the books.  I've read the books (especially New Moon) at least a dozen times over the last two years because I really like the relationships between the characters.  I realize that Stephanie Meyer isn't Jane Austin or Charlotte Bronte, but she doesn't pretend to be.

Rather, this post is about how much the movies suck.

Twilight sucked.  I watched it a total of ONE time and I cannot bring myself to watch it again.  It's like they said, "Let's take all the redeeming qualities from this book and throw them out the window."  I felt like I was watching two hours of Kristin Stewart biting her lip.  I've seen Robert Pattinson in other movies, and I know he can act.  Kristin Stewart, well, not so much.  I kept waiting for the movie to develop the characters.  I kept waiting for the bond to develop that turns Bella into an Edwardcentric shell.  It never happened. 

Then New Moon came out.  Remember, that I love New Moon.  The previews were pretty awesome and I thought, okay, I'll bite.  I even bought the movie because I was sure I would love it as much as the book. 


I love New Moon because of the relationship Jacob and Bella have.  I love New Moon because it's slightly less "Oh, Edward."  But again, the movie lacked any depth.  I realize it's hard to put a 500 page book into a two hour movie, but it really seemed like they cut out the best parts.  Even the screenwriter, Melissa Rosenberg, claims that the series isn't exactly high art.  Thank goodness Taylor Lautner is hot, or I'd be out $20.  Hell, even Robert Pattinson said he's bored of the saga. 

So I was pretty much over the movies by the time the 50 billion trailers and clips of Eclipse were released.  Just the fact that Eclipse is probably the most boring book in the series and that the trailers are centered around Riley, who's in the book for all of three pages, put the proverbial final nail in the coffin.  Maybe I'll pay the $1 for the redbox rental in a couple of months, but I doubt it.

I realize that the Twilight franchise doesn't care.  There are enough vampire wannabes out there to make Summit rich. 

I also realize that I'm not the target demographic for Twilight.  I'm not all "Oh, Edward" and I don't desire to be Bella and have a sparkly vampire save me.  Interestingly, the facebook status updates that are constantly blabbering on about Eclipse are from friends who are over the age of 40 or under the age of 21.  I think I was lucky enough to be raised with a generation that was taught you don't need a man (or vampire) to save you from your life.  Or maybe it's because I'm happily married and have no reason to imagine myself giving birth to a vampire spawn.

Or maybe it's because I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer and realize it's been done before, much better.
Photo source:
Angel will always be better than Edward if for no other reason than he doesn't sparkle.
Also people, please don't name your kid Bella, Edward, or Cullen.  Seriously, Cullen is the fastest growing baby name of 2009.  Twilight is a fad that will fade like NKOTB (look it up, young'uns) and your kid will NOT appreciate it in 20 years.

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